On Getting the Business End of Integrity and Grace Unforseen

Hello again friends.  I would like to start this blog with a disclaimer.  I am functioning on 13 hours of sleep (8 of which are sleep by definition alone with absolutely no "rest" being involved) over the last 4 days.  I am extremely tired and very likely will be a bit rambly if not at times completely incapable of focused thought.  Bear with me.  I am more excited to attempt to write this blog than I have for any of the others and, really, just about anything I have written period. 

And it's all because of one of the worst 24 hour periods I have had in quite awhile.  Maybe worst isn't the right word, disappointing and stressful probably fit better. 

As many of you who suffer through my ramblings probably know, I went to Las Vegas this weekend.  I was absolutely blessed by my beloved and incredible brother (Thank You God for such an amazing sibling...Beth is okay too I suppose.  Just kidding sis.  Love you.) with the opportunity to get my Level 1 Crossfit Trainer certificate.  I found this out about three weeks ago and have been eagerly awaiting my opportunity to go to this wonderful seminar.  The trainers I know all told me about how amazing the sessions are.  Working out with high level Crossfitters.  Learning from the elite of the sport.  Needless to say I was a big furry, sorry ladies, ball of excitement as I headed to Rochester to get on my plane to Sin City. 

I arrived at my gate 2 hours early.  Like I said Excited. 

And that's when the bottom fell out. 

You see it turns out you can't land airplanes in blizzards.  Well, correction, you can but it usually also includes emergency vehicles, a big fireball and looking for a black box.  So, I arrive at my gate and get a phone call from American saying "Your flight has been canceled."  Not delayed.  Canceled.  Also known as, forget this dream you have been looking forward to fulfilling.  You aren't going. 

So I did what any sane person would do.  Through an internal hissy fit and then started trying to fix the problem.  Asking people if I could pay them to give up there seat on the last flight out of Rochester.  The offer went up to 100 dollars and no takers. 

Why was I so adamant that I get to Chicago that night?  Because I assumed that if I missed the seminar, even due to acts of nature I would be fresh out of opportunities to get certified and my brothers money would have been wasted.  (It is important to note that I didn't think about it like this on Friday.  I saw it as MY money being wasted.  What a jerk I am at times.)

I called Crossfit Max Effort, the site of the seminar and told them what was going on.  They assured me that it would all be okay as long as I studied my materials hard and get there as fast as I could.  I thought "great!  I am going to get my way! Yay me!"  So I got on the first thing smoking out of Rochester in the AM.  I should arrive at 1030 and not miss THAT much of the seminar.  If only. 

Delays, delays and more delays later I finally arrived at Max Effort at 1230pm.  I had missed 25% of the course but was still expecting to get my way.  When they told me I wouldn't be taking the test I was absolutely crushed.  I had gone through so much.  Studied so hard.  Why wouldn't they make an exception for me?  It was the weather's fault not mine!  I was the victim of something I proclaim to support.  Integrity.

That's right.  Crossfit HQ said no go because I had missed 3 hours of training.  A couple of lectures and a break out group about proper squatting.  I was viciously angry.  The staff apologized profusely and yet I stated my sad story repeatedly hoping something would work out.  It didn't and you know what?  I THANK GOD THAT IT DIDN"T!

What was initially supposed to be a weekend about adding to one of my hobbies and favorite pursuits ended up changing me spiritually.  You see, after I had my 30 minute mope session (seriously, it was like I was wearing skinny jeans and had bangs hanging in my eyes while listening to Coldplay or the Verve) I started to think about what this so called rejection meant.  What it meant was Crossfit has standards they will not break on.  And thats a great great thing. 

What would you say to a doctor who admitted he was able to skip a year of med school because of some unforseen event in his or her life?  I would say "get away from me you quack!"  I would also seriously question the degree granting institution that allowed this person to get through with out, you know, actually doing what was required. 

Now, i do have to admit that the next bit of info is vital to my response to this situation.  This was the solution Crossfit HQ offered to me, in no small part because of the incredibly caring and wonderful people who ran the Vegas seminar.  I would be allowed to stay at the seminar, if I wanted to, and would very likely be given the opportunity to take another Level one Seminar (in many ways a premium product of Crossfit) for free. Think about the significance of this offer.  I missed my shot at this seminar.  Though the weather was clearly involved, I, a born and raised northerner, should have realized that if you want to get somewhere during the winter you better plan ahead and allow some wiggle room.  All I would have had to do is select that earlier flight, to make sure I would get to this important event, and this would have all been avoided.  I am not without fault here.  And even though I missed a major part of the course, the people providing it allowed me to finish the course and also are going to give me another full seminar for free.  Two premium products for the price of one.  Absolutely amazing.

So instead of getting one weekend of premier training from some of the best athletes in the world, I get two.  And while I am grateful for this incredible opportunity, it is not the biggest part of this weekend for me. 

I am GLAD crossfit didn't allow me to get my certificate after not completing the entire course.  Seriously.  While I appreciated the massive support form my friends and family when I found out that I wasn't getting the chance to take the test, I am glad it happened.  Because it makes the Crossfit Level 1 certificate mean more.  I am glad because the sport I love has standards and will not bend.  It made me realize that I have turned grace, the prescious gift of God, into an entitlement program.  Just as I assumed that I would be entitled to take the test because I am smart, and my story was sad and the money was paid, I too often assume that in life I will get exactly what I want, regardless of if I show up on time or not.

As I processed through what was happening, I went from anger to frustration and sadness to understanding.  Not because I am super smart.  I have had 6 concussions so I can't be the bright or I would stop smashing my head into things.  I got to understanding because God made it so.  He helped me to see that I will be better for all of this happening.  I will receive twice the training of a normal level 1 trainer.  I can view this as a burden (my initial reaction) or a blessing that will make me so much better than I ever thought I would be (my current state of mind brought to me solely by the Holy Spirit.  

I wrote a blog about Hebrews 12 not too long ago.    "Now, discipline always seems painful rather than pleasant at the time, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it."  Hebrews 12:11

I am being disciplined.  Not in the, you are getting a spanking because you put gum in your sister's hair (Sorry Beth) kind of way but discipline like the athlete and Disciple I proclaim myself to be.  As I thought about this situation, I started to realize that if I told my story of how I became a Level 1 trainer, I would undoubtedly have to explain how Crossfit let me slide even though i didn't do all the work.  That would reflect badly on my integrity and Crossfit's. 

As I spoke with one of the friends I made in Vegas about this whole situation, he told me that I was an upright person.  That there was truth in my talk and that reflected well on me.  (Moises, shout out to you.  I hope you have gotten some sleep by the time you read this.)  As he said that I realized that it wasn't me talking.  It was the new me, that is constantly being made by the Spirit.  If it was me talkiing, I would be complaining about it being unfair and blah blah blah. 

Instead God helped me see that integrity is really important.That  Crossfit had standards and a resolution to my breaking that standard was arrived at that was pure grace while maintaining their integrity.  God also showed me that God has integrity and it was that very integrity that made it necessary for Jesus to go to the Cross for me.  God demands perfect submission to His standards.  Because of that demand Jesus went to the Cross for me, which honestly is not how I wish that it would have played out.

   (Just to be clear I am not saying Crossfit is God...so stop typing that comment).   

Like I said this has sort of been a ramble fest.  But it was important for me to get this out now, while I am still basking in the revelation that God gave me about the relationship between integrity and my perceived rights.  As well as the incredible grace that so frequently arises out of nowhere.

Many who supported me this weekend with their words talked about the unfairness of the situation.  It was weather that caused it all after all.  I could very easily have lived in that sentiment and remained unchanged and uncomforted and unhappy.  Instead I realized just how spectacular it is that I am now enrolled in the Ann Arbor Level 1 Seminar and I will go free of charge to one of the best things Crossfit does.  Crossfit DID NOT HAVE to do what they did.  I had no reason to expect such a blessing.  Infact I expected what most people probably would...that my opportunity was missed.  That my brother's incredible gift woudl be wasted.  I would curse the God who has given me so much and ask why He let that storm stop me.  (I know I would do this because I DID do it.) 

I thank God that this all happened.  Every last minute of it.  I am a better crossfitter than I was on friday.  Sure thing.  But honestly, I feel like a very important page has been turned in my life as well.  How dare I expect grace.  The audacity.  I would love to say it will never happen again.  But seriously, I know it will.  And I thank God that he promises me grace anyway.  I just hope I thank Him for it a little sooner next time. 


This could have been shorter, I am certain of that, but it wasn't.  Thanks to everyone who made it through to the end. 

God Bless and may we all have a little more integrity and may we all handle others integrity without complaint.  And may we cease expecting grace.  Amen...or something.